TL's lil bro has the Tempo this weekend so no trips to the drive-in. Don't matter since theyre still heaving helpings of fudge up on the screen anyway. Horton Hears a Who?, Dr. Suess?? Excuse me while I barf in my own mouth. for the second feature we got Run Fatboy Run going, again like Drillbit Taylor a great drive-in title hung on a movie that belongs in a perfumed theatre. what are they trying to pull with these bait and switch titles? you're thinking raucous summercamp comedy about fat kids stuffing their sweaty fat faces with PayDay candybars and peeping on chicks wearing soap bikinis in the shower but nooooooo instead you get a reformed romantic Simon Pegg quitting vices and shedding pounds to prove something to some girl he didnt want in the first place. pass thank you. note to Mr. Pegg: unless you and your mate Nick Frost are thumping zombies with a cricket bat or taking down a crooked town with heavy weaponry, KEEP IT IN THE THEATRES!!
anyhow before i burst a blood vessel in my eye, onto this weeks drive-in worthy picture. if youre like me, and i know i am, you cannot resist a good nature runs amok and lots of humans get turned into chopped sirloin flick. for a while in the horror heyday these movies were pumped out of studios like gangbusters. every animal you can damn near think of was made a feature culprit in one of these things. the grandaddy and champion was and still is, of course Jaws. for a while though movie makers were going with whatever animal could strike fear or just plain rip a new one into a person. Grizzly had the killer bear, Venom, the deadly snake, Alligator, The Pack, Squirm, Frogs, the list is never ending. sometimes even different species would team up like a Saturday night wrestling fest, Day of the Animals. There's a movie you need to view for yourself cause if you thought you'd never see Leslie Nielsen from the Naked Gun films turn into a homicidal rapist and then try to bare knuckle fight a bear...baby you thought wrong!
our drive-in watch this week is a hefty slice of Bee A Dee called The Last Shark. now i know right off youre thinking Jaws ripoff right? well wrong-O it's actually a rip off of Jaws, Jaws 2 and Jaws 3. now i will give it some credit for that because ripping off three movies that are essentially the same movie and then combining them into one movie has to be more complicated than it sounds. what we end up with here is a great white chewing up windsurfing wimps in too tiny trunks off the coast of a Florida that looks suspiciously like Italy. let's call it Flitaly. the folks in Flitaly love their windsurfing and their swimming in slow motion. the activities make for some agonizing scenes folks. when a few locals start turning into people chowder and its deduced that "no floatin' chainsaw" is responsible we get Vic Morrow with a dumb fake accent on scene saying "it was a shaaahhK!" from then on he, James Franciscus, and the obligatory oily politician character make war on the shaaahhK. war is hell and so is watching this movie. they try dynamite, they try shotguns, then they even try giving up and just telling people the shark can't get them in their homes. sounds reasonable to me but the thing is you can only keep the none too bright flitalians off their windsurfing boards for so long. so the town holds a regatta and the shark eats it. yes you read that right, he eats the whole regatta. the oily mayor comes under fire again and makes it a personal vendetta to turn the shark into StarKist Chunky. time for phony politician on phony shaaahhK action and guess who wins out there? mayor McMoron is bitten in two while trying to do the old hold onto the runner of a helicopter while it hovers above the water stunt. oh then the shark, apparently not full, eats the helicopter. yes you read that right too. a couple more folks get legs bit off before Vic and James go all out against the giant rubber beast and blast about $95 worth of red dye no.5 out of it. it's hard to say what could of improved this movie, a lot less windsurfing scenes would have been a good start but if you take those out the movie is only about 6 minutes. re-watch any and i sincerely mean any Jaws film instead, the Last Shark is a floater. *1/2*
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